On the last day of Family Practice residency, I hugged the nurses goodbye and walked out to my car.
There wasn’t a band playing. No parade. I didn’t walk out to cheering or confetti or a gigantic celebratory party.
Instead, I got in my car and said aloud to myself, “You did it.”
Then I started the engine, picked up my kids, and drove home to start dinner.
That goal I’d been working on for YEARS was accomplished, but when I turned to look back over it all I realized something…
THE PRIZE IS IN THE PROCESS.
It’s in the years of studying and struggle. The late nights in the ER doing admissions. The 30-hour call shifts and catching an hour nap in the call room. Delivering babies. Calling time of death. Holding someone’s hand. Making decisions through trembling hands. Owning my mistakes.
That’s where the beauty lies...in the process.
It’s the same with my marriage.
Last night we sat next to one another on the couch after the kids were in bed. I watched a few training videos for work while he looked at cabins in Idaho he’d love to buy one day. I rubbed his sore feet. Then he rubbed my sore shoulders. And way past bedtime we dragged our weary bodies to bed as our ancient kitty snuggled between us. I gave him a quick peck on the lips and popped in my bite plate.
“Love you, honey. Goodnight,” I lisped.
This is what I always wanted…a partner in life.
But when I look back over the years, I realize he is my partner because of all we’ve been through.
OUR LOVE WAS MADE FIRM IN THE PROCESS.
It’s in the years of fighting and struggle. The disappointment and tears and pain. Hugging him goodbye as he left for rehab imagining that was it, and then…beginning again. Celebrating new babies, new jobs, new houses. Paying off debt and deciding a little more every day what works best for our marriage and our growing family. Making decisions through trembling hands. Owning our mistakes.
Together.
It’s beautiful, really. The process.
And it’s the same with parenting, too.
Last week I dropped my oldest child to high school and realized how quickly the time will come that I’ll be dropping him on the steps at college. Maybe one day he’ll get married and start a family. Settle into a career. And I hope more than anything I will have raised a good and Godly man.
I’ll be unbelievably proud at those milestone moments…but I KNOW already I’ll be turning right around and looking back at that beautiful process.
At learning to nurse a new baby or cheering as he took his first few steps. At first days of school and pushing on the swings and basketball games and skinned knees. At boundaries and tough discipline and doling out consequences. Eating dinner as a family around our dinner table and dancing in the kitchen and celebrating holidays or birthdays and roasting smores on our firepit out back.
Showing up and doing my best day after day. Making decisions through trembling hands. Owning my mistakes.
Because a beautiful life doesn’t begin when we finally reach the prize.
THE BEAUTY IS IN THE PROCESS!!!
Now I’m writing a book.
I only have one chance to write my very first book. One chance to tell the story of this particular memoir. One chance to get it right. And as proud as I’ll be to hold that book in my hand, I know already I’ll be looking back…
To the little dream I kept ignoring for so long. And the one day I just…began. Writing lists of ideas and jotting down bits and pieces of the stories I’d like to tell onto notecards. Then shuffling notecards into some semblance of order. Getting up at 5AM or staying up till midnight or writing with my laptop perched on the edge of the bathtub. Writing. And crying. Pouring out the stories of my heart…the stories I’ve only told to a handful of souls. All right there in words. My life in black and white.
I’m writing with trembling hands.
And I’ll be so proud when this goal I’ve been working on is accomplished!!!
But I'm just trying to enjoy this time because I KNOW deep down in my heart…
THE PRIZE IS IN THE PROCESS.
You guys, our lives are LIVED in the process. Day by day. Bit by bit. Word by word. Moment by moment. God is stitching and weaving and working it all together. With His own timing. His own will.
It will be so beautiful. Because it IS ALREADY SO BEAUTIFUL.
Right now.
This life is so beautiful!!!
Today.
And I trust Him with the process
