How To Find FUN in Midlife (in between your To Do lists, work demands, emails, the needs of your aging parents and teens, and your general day-to-day stress!)
Anyone else struggling to have FUN?
I asked this question of my readers the other day and added: Sure, I enjoy quite a few things--reading and gardening and writing and going for runs with the dog or walks with my neighborhood friends, but I honestly can't remember the last time I thought to myself, "Wow, that was SO MUCH FUN!" Are we all just struggling? Is this just a phase of midlife? Is it the teenagers? Or hormones? What are YOU doing to find fun? And how can the rest of us find more of it?
I had hundreds and HUNDREDS of responses. And though some women gave thoughtful answers with awesome ideas for finding fun in midlife, the large majority claimed their fun has vanished.
Some women replied, “Fun? What’s that?” Others described really trying to have fun but mostly going through the motions. And many, MANY described that the endless To Do lists of family and work and home life and caregiving older parents plus endless emails and health concerns or financial constraints alongside the stress of parenting teenagers means fun just never makes the cut.
So, what can we do? Where do we find FUN in midlife? Is fun different than joy? What happens in our brains when we get the blahs? And when should we be concerned?
First, let’s take a look at the difference between fun and joy:
Now, let’s dig into the science:
Dopamine, serotonin, and norepinephrine are the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitters in the brain that play a critical role in our mood and behavior.
Dopamine tends to be immediate and temporary, playing a crucial role in the brain’s reward system and thereby contributing to motivation, reward-processing, pleasure, and movement. When we do something fun, we get a dopamine hit and feel good. When dopamine is low we may feel tired, moody, anxious, or blah. We tend to crave that dopamine hit, which is why people sometimes lean on alcohol, drugs, social media, porn, or other quick hits of dopamine that may become a problem.
Serotonin is longer-acting and responsible for sustained regulation of our mood, emotions, sleep, and other functions. Serotonin is important to our general feeling of contentment or satisfaction with life overall. Our JOY! And when serotonin levels are good, we can experience well-being even in the middle of grief or hardship (or even just our lengthy To Do list).
Norepinephrine regulates the body's stress response, arousal and attention, and affects our level of alertness and focus. It’s a more activating neurotransmitter, so when norepinephrine levels are low, we may not even feel like getting out of bed.
These neurotransmitters work together to affect how we feel, and imbalances in these brain chemicals contribute to multifactorial mental health disorders such as depression and anxiety.
Generally, when we’re getting a few doses of fun by dancing or baking or having sex or deep belly laughing with our girlfriends or singing in the shower (these are all recommendations from my readers) AND we’re eating healthy-ish, moving our bodies regularly, connecting with others, and prioritizing sleep, then our mood remains good and we feel content with only the occasional, temporary blahs. We know when the blahs come, we can have a little fun and dance it out in the kitchen for a healthy and quick dopamine boost!
When to be concerned:
If those blahs STAY, however, and can’t be improved by time or having a little fun, it may be cause for concern. Anhedonia is the word we use for lack of interest, enjoyment, or pleasure from things we previously enjoyed, and it is one main symptom of depression. Most treatments for depression involve medications that work to boost one or more of the ‘feel-good’ neurotransmitters in the brain. It’s important to talk to your primary provider if you have concerns about depression or another mental health disorder.
Of course, I can’t include everything you need to know about mental health in this one short blog. But I’ll leave you with a few questions to consider.
Do you need to offload something from your plate? Or invite some help?
Can you accept this current season isn’t one with tons of fun, but keep your eyes peeled for joy in the middle of the mess?
Is it time to address your ongoing “blahs” with your primary provider? Could it be something more?
Wherever YOU’RE at today, please know I care so much for you. I’m in it right alongside you. And my dear friend, please remember: You are loved, loved, loved!
❤ Mikala
PS: I’m a family practice doctor with fellowship training in women’s health. Plus, I’m living in my very own midlife body! I have LOTS to say about finding health and happiness in midlife, and I’d love to share my new book with you: Everything I Wish I Could Tell You About Midlife: A Woman’s Guide to Health in the Body You Actually Have
