I Love Watching You Play

My first grader went to soccer yesterday.

Both teams played a little soccer, but everyone spent half the time rolling on the ground. Or bothering each other. Or doing cartwheels. Or perfecting ninja moves.

All except one little girl named Katie.

She was dressed in little pink shorts and little pink cleats and her hair was pulled up into a little bun with a little pink bow.

Katie tried hard. She ran after the ball and kicked and dribbled and even scored. But instead of doing any cartwheels, Katie spent half of her time hesitantly looking over to the sidelines.

At her mom.

‘Katie, get it!!’

‘It’s right THERE!!! Kick it!!! Gooooo!!’

‘Katie, pay attention!!!’

‘What are you DOING??? Gooooo. Get it!!!’

‘Not THERE. Nooooo. Katie, the other way!!!’

‘Keep gooooing!!!’

And afterwards, I accidentally overheard their conversation.

‘You know if you’re just going to mess around out there, I’m not even going to bring you anymore! I don’t know what you were doing today, but it certainly wasn’t soccer. The ball would come near you, and you wouldn’t even go for it!’

I noticed Katie’s cheeks were streaked with tears.

Poor Katie.

I wonder how long she will want to play soccer?

I bet she’ll try for years. She might spend years listening to her mom yell directions from the sidelines then have to endure the aftergame lecture. She might spend years attempting to do it ‘right.’ And please her mother.

Or maybe they’ll both move on to the next thing. Volleyball or basketball or dance or gymnastics.

I wonder if Katie will spend her life looking hesitantly at the sidelines. Trying to live up to her mother’s expectations. Just hoping for a smile. Or a nod. Or an enthusiastic, “I love watching you play!!”

Just one little sign.

Is this right?? Am I okay??

I wonder if eventually Katie will move on to pleasing a best friend in high school. Or a boyfriend. Or a boss. Or a husband.

I wonder if she will spend her life constantly looking around outside herself for validation.

I really wanted to hug Katie.

But aren’t we ALL like Katie sometimes???

Aren’t we constantly looking for proof? From someone?? Somewhere??

We wonder…

Will I ever be enough??? Will I ever make people happy??? Will I ever live up to the world’s unreasonable and unending expectations???

My weight. My home. My kids. My mothering. My annual salary. My platform.

Will it ever possibly feel like enough??? Am I enough???

LISTEN fellow Katies of the world…

We’ve got to stop looking at the sidelines.

Stop looking for that nod. Or smile. Stop waiting for that promotion or some little sign of approval. Stop striving for the right number on the scale or the right number in our bank account or the right number of Likes and Follows.

Let’s JUST. GO. PLAY.

Let’s show up every day and do the very best we can.

Let’s practice and train and pray and ask for help.

And let’s remember to relax enough to do a few cartwheels and ninja moves along the way.

You guys…

This little life we’re living???

It’s for an audience of One.

And He’s already cheering, “I love watching you play!!!

We are always ENOUGH…in Him.