What If I Don't Want To Be Mom?

Sometimes I don’t want to be the mom.

I don’t want to ‘do the right thing’ or give an ‘appropriate’ response or think about whether I’m making the ‘right’ decision.

I get so tired of ‘teachable moments’ and ‘leading by example.’

And I don’t really feel like being the grown up.

Sometimes I’m not in the mood for soccer all day on Saturday.

I don’t want to worry about the drinks and the snacks and the sunscreen and the chairs and ‘did you go potty?’ or ‘make sure you bring a jacket!’

And I really don’t feel like putting up with a moody teenager on the ride home after a loss.

I certainly don’t want to make dinner. Again.

Or load the dishes. Again.

Or remember to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer for the one MILLIONTH time this week.

Sometimes I don’t want to ‘Guess what?’ or ‘Watch this!’

And I don’t even want to ‘Mom, look!!!’

I’m tired of remembering trash day. And bath time. And making sure everyone brushes their teeth before bed.

I can’t keep up with the doctor’s appointments and eye exams and orthodontist visits.

And OH MY GOSH, I am sick to death of the emails! ALL THOSE EMAILS!!!

And log-ins.

And passwords.

And all the godforsaken correspondence from teachers and principals and coaches and room moms and play groups.

Sometimes I don’t think it’s possible to answer any more questions.

‘But why, Mom???’

And ‘Mom, PLEASE???’

I don’t want to enforce any more consequences.

And I wonder how in the world I can keep my voice low and even and calm when in all actuality my brain is SCREAMING!!!!

Sometimes I need a break, but unfortunately a break isn’t coming.

Not right now anyway.

So, just for today, I’m not ‘enjoying every moment.’

I’m surviving.

I’m doing the best possible job I can do (which for today is actually pretty crappy).

Yeah.

Sometimes I don’t want to be the mom.

But I do it anyway…

Because that’s just what moms do.