Stuffed with Grace

I was a stuffer.

Sad? Angry? Scared? Disappointed? Lonely? Lost?

Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff. Stuff.

I thought I was only supposed to be HAPPY. So, whenever a different emotion came along, I did my best not to feel it. I stuffed it way down deep inside where no one could ever see it.

I don’t think it served me well. And to this day I’m still working it out.

Now I have kids.

And I’m realizing those kids???

Sometimes they feel sad. Angry. Scared. Disappointed. Lonely. Or Lost.

Part of my job as a mom is to teach them how to feel. To give them the space and the grace to let it all play out. To let them be HUMAN.

And if that’s part of my job…then I can’t totally freak out every time one of my children feels something other than HAPPY!!

When my child reacts and yells or makes a rude remark or slams the door and stomps up the stairs.

He’s probably angry.

And maybe he has every right to be upset. Or maybe he just had a long day. Maybe something happened at school that has nothing to do with the current situation. Or maybe he’s just a teenager.

(Or a tween. Or an elementary schooler at a new school. Or a kindergartener after a long week.)

I’m not going to follow him around and tell him he better knock it off right now and that is totally unacceptable and who does he think he is and he better never talk to me like that again and if this keeps up he better watch out…

I’m not going to burst into tears and lay on the guilt trip with ‘after all I do for you’…

I’m not going to punish with wounded looks or hateful silent treatments…

I’ve found it better to remain neutral.

I’ve found it better to say something like, “Go to your room. You’re welcome to join us back downstairs when you’ve calmed down.”

I’ve found it better to let him fume for a bit then discuss it later when he’s returned to his right mind.

I’ve found it better to step back…and let him be human.

Because the truth is, 95 times out of 100 I am relatively sweet and sane and calm. But then, my ‘sensitive days’ roll around and maintaining my sanity becomes really HARD. Those are the days I blow it. I overreact and say the wrong thing and freak out and slam a drawer or two and absolutely LOSE MY COOL.

I have ALL the feelings!!! And I figure it’s a great time to model apology.

Then I try to imagine what that must be like for a teenager (or a tween or an elementary school kid at a new school or a kindergartener). All those hormones piled on top of all the RULES. Rules at home and rules at school and rules from the basketball coach and social ‘rules’ set by peers and all the rules of somehow managing in this life. Of doing life RIGHT.

I think my kids just need the space to FEEL sometimes.

And at home with mom and dad??? That’s the perfect place to just FEEL because they know we’ll love them anyway. At home they’ll always, always fit in.

I’m not saying I allow constant rude and disrespectful behavior. Not at all. It just means that when one of my kids doesn’t do what’s expected or behaves inappropriately or flat out hurts my feelings, those 5 times out of 100 he gets a free pass.

They apologize. And we move on.

MY emotions and MY feelings should NOT be their primary concern.

I’m MOM.

An imperfect human raising other little imperfect humans.

There are A LOT of emotions flying around this house.

That’s okay.

We’re just human!!

And more than anything I want a home where our children’s hearts are stuffed…with GRACE.