Kindness Matters

I learned everything I know about kindness from being unkind.

No one knew how I bullied Kristin in second grade for her mushroom hair. No one saw how nice she was to me and how she longed to be my friend and the way I constantly ignored her. But on her last day at our school when she told me I was her best friend ever, I will NEVER forget how her face crumpled at my response.

I wish I could say I learned my lesson.

But an Alyssa from third grade and a Lisa from fourth would tell you otherwise.

I once traded up to the cool crowd during middle school, and I can’t imagine the pain I left for my previous best friend when I just walked away.

Then in high school, I helped egg and vandalize garden plants at the home of the kindest, most genuine girl in school landing me in a diversion program with 25 hours of community service.

So, yeah. I learned about kindness the loooong, hard way.

But God never gave up.

He sent me to be a counselor at an American Cancer Society camp for kids with cancer. He gave me a summer job driving the field trip bus at a camp for kids with disabilities. He put me through residency where I worked in hospitals and underserved clinics and met dying, lonely, broken people face to face.

Then finally one day, He married me off to a drug addict.

While visiting my husband during his second stay in rehab, I somehow deeply understood that the people sitting in those meetings beside me were JUST LIKE ME, actually.

Broken. So beloved. And beautifully human.

My shattered heart softened...and kindness seeped in all around the cracks.

I think if you asked someone to describe me today, KIND might be within the first three adjectives.

My point is, I know you want to raise ‘the kind kid’ but maybe God already has it worked out.

And maybe His plans are BIGGER.

Maybe His plans involve a few missteps. A little pain and suffering and sadness. Some moments that will leave you thinking, “But I didn’t raise my child to behave like that!”

Maybe your kids will learn best from heartbroken faces that will be etched on their minds for eternity.

Maybe you can be a good example, set some ground rules, and enforce consequences.

And maybe your expectations for kindness won’t get very far for a looooong while.

But God will.

He WILL find your children in the darkness.

He really does leave the ninety-nine.

So, yes. Let’s absolutely teach our kids to be kind.

But then let’s trust God will show them the way in His own perfect time.

(To those on the receiving end of my unkindnesses along the way…it was never about YOU. You are wonderful and beautiful and loved. It was always, always about the hurt and uncertainty tucked inside of a broken ME. I’m deeply sorry. Thank you for teaching me to be kind.)