In the middle of the mess last week our family priest and beloved friend, Father Rene, died of Covid-19.

I will miss his smile and his kind eyes. I will miss his excitement as he wrapped my children in giant hugs on Sunday mornings,“Oh!! Eli!!!! How are you!!!”

When we moved to this town, he welcomed us to the parish with a round of applause.

He baptized our babies.

He heard my confessions and raised his hand to bless me every Mother’s Day.

He celebrated the sacraments of First Reconciliation and Communion with our three older boys.

And when the church and school had disagreements over money for remodeling, he gently reminded us all that while growing up in the Philippines he slept on a mat on the floor.

He kept chickens in his backyard by the school playground.

He ate a steak dinner with my family around our kitchen table.

He was gentle and humble and ordinary and kind.

And more than anything, he LOVED to sing.

Sometimes he sang hymns. Sometimes he sang Elvis. And sometimes when he started in on a song during mass, our congregation shifted a little in their seats.

His voice wasn’t…perfect. But when he sang, his eyes danced. And his whole face smiled. He just SANG. On and on. Until the song was over.

His voice reminded me I don’t have to know all the answers. I don’t have to live a flawless faith in order belong. I am a child of God, and I don’t need to be perfect to SING.

Now all I can think about is…I’m so grateful he sang to us!!

I will simply miss knowing his light is in the world.

These days it feels impossible to keep the sadness from creeping in around me and nearly swallowing me whole. What does that say about my faith???

Yet.

The minute I heard he passed, even through my tears, I felt certain. CERTAIN. Father Rene was welcomed with trumpets and bells and wide-open gates to a place more beautiful than I can possibly imagine. He was celebrated for his generous service. His kindness. His joyful spirit. His heart. And his amazing ability to LOVE.

I can just picture the party. And I bet there’s a karaoke machine in heaven!

Today I am sad. Stressed. And a little scared. It feels like maybe the world is ending. Is this the end???

But then in the very next moment, I find myself switching laundry and loading dishes and coloring unicorn pictures with Lizzy and sitting at the table for dinner with my family and reading books to littles ones on my lap and singing their prayers before bed.

Life goes on. And it's so beautiful. As Father Rene would say, “Isn’t it????”

He reminds me even in his death, there is more. Something SO MUCH MORE!!

So, like my beloved friend, let us do the best job we can while we’re here.

To serve. And be kind.

To seek joy in the ordinary. And love with everything we have.

May we remember to SING OUR SONGS along the way. Imperfections and all. Until the song is over.

Dear Father Rene, thank you!!!

I’m so grateful you sang to us.