How To Have Hard Talks With a Teenager
I HATE having hard talks with my kids.
Drugs, alcohol, nicotine, porn, parties, sex, social media—each time I find myself unprepared.
Because, of course, we don’t usually sit down to have a serious discussion. Instead, the two of us might be driving along together after basketball practice when my teen drops a bomb on me like, “Mom, I tried vaping the other day.”
Or “Mom, did YOU ever try marijuana?”
Or some other topic even harder.
Almost immediately I break out into a sweat.
I steel myself not to change the subject. I stumble over my words. I attempt to listen. And I nod. I try to tell the truth. I set my expectations.
I hope to leave an impact.
Later I think back over our talks and wonder, Oh my God. What happened? What did I even say? As if I was having an out of body experience.
But I firmly believe OUR KIDS NEED TO KNOW about this hard stuff!
In our family, we’ve told our kids their dad doesn’t drink alcohol and explained the reasons why. We didn’t give them all the gory details, of course. But we’ve used the words alcoholic. And addict. We’ve talked about how addiction runs in the family. And how they’ll probably have to be really careful as they grow up. At parties. And with friends. Trying things.
I’ve told them about times I messed up in my younger years, too. About things I would go back and change now if I could. About things I wish I would’ve known.
My kids know their parents weren’t perfect. Not even close! (Spoiler alert: we STILL aren’t perfect…and boy, do my kids know that!).
Parents, whenever hard stuff comes up, it’s THE WORST! And I wish there was some way to get out of these uncomfortable situations and just get on with the good stuff like precious holidays or family game nights or beautiful moments making memories.
But here’s the thing…
More than beautiful memories. Or perfect childhoods. Or all that good stuff. I think our main job as parents is to help our children navigate life. REAL LIFE. And that means talking to them about the hard stuff. The stuff that makes us break out in a sweat!!
Our kids need to know we don’t expect them to be perfect. Not even close! But we hope they’ll use their hearts. We hope they’ll use those big brains. We hope they’ll use the information and truth we provide to make good and healthy decisions for their lives.
Most importantly, our kids need to know they can turn to us when life inevitably gets hard because they are loved beyond measure.
Remember:
Listen without judgement
Tell the truth
Set expectations
Leave an impact of love
And don’t forget to circle back to it later
Let’s be sure our kids know we’ll always be there for them—even in the hard stuff—and they don’t ever have to do REAL LIFE alone.
I’d love to share my book with you! Everything I Wish I Could Tell You About Midlife
