Feelings Are For Feeling

Today I feel sad.

Maybe it’s because I took my youngest to kindergarten round-up and there are only a few more months until ALL my kids will be in school (so everyone keeps asking me, “What will you do next year?”).

Maybe it’s because I helped my junior in high school order a tux for prom next week.

Or maybe it’s the gray sky.

Or hormones.

I don’t know, I just feel sad.

Even as I type that I can feel the usual internal shushing and squashing. All the ‘at least’-s building in my chest.

I’m typically one to diminish myself and my first-world ‘struggles.’

I tell myself…

At least you were able to have children.

At least they are all healthy and well.

At least you had a few years to stay home with them.

One day you’ll drop your last child to college and come home to an empty nest that lasts longer than 7 hours. That’s waaay harder than any of this this.

Besides, this is what is SUPPOSED to happen.

I know.

I KNOW.

I should just be grateful.

I should just be happy and enjoy every moment.

I should just count my blessings (because the truth is, I’m SO incredibly blessed).

I know all these things.

But that doesn’t change the fact that today, right now, I feel sad.

I think it’s because for as long as I’ve been a mother, I’ve had a baby or toddler at home and years stretched before me filled with chubby littles bodies and sippy cups and LITTLE-ness.

Now this season of babies and littleness is passing me right by. And even as my heart bursts with pride and gratitude, I just feel…sad.

My baby girl walked confidently into that kindergarten classroom and sat quietly on the ABC rug for storytime and cut her Easter egg craft and sang her little heart out during music.

She is SO ready for school!

But I couldn’t help it, tears stung my eyes.

They are all growing up SO fast.

And even though I’m incredibly grateful and unbelievably blessed to be sending my children out into the world, it doesn’t change the fact that I feel sad sometimes.

I think that’s okay.

To feel my feelings. To allow this little bit of grief to wash over me. To give myself an offering of grace as I let go a little more.

I am grateful even as my heart aches a little…because I’m a MOM. And bittersweet is the perfect definition of motherhood.

Today I feel sad at how fast it’s all going.

And it’s okay to say so.