What You Need to Know About Mothering Teen and Tween Boys (From a Mom Raising Four):

1. Teen and tween boys come with a lot of gear. A lot. Balls and cleats and basketball shoes and sports bags and water bottles and uniforms for every sport in every possible size. Pass down what you can to the next boy in line. Find a place to corral it all. Cleats/shoes should be stored in the garage to save everyone from the awful smell.

2. Teen and tween boys are active. I’m serious. It used to be running, jumping, and wrestling like a litter of puppies rolling around in your house. But now it’s more like balls constantly bouncing in the hall, giant man-children jumping to touch the top of any doorframe (leaving behind smudgey fingerprints), wild games of over-the-door-basketball in their bedroom (that smells like a bull fight), and “Hey, toss me a Reese’s Puff. Let’s see if I can catch it in my mouth!”

3. Injuries come with the territory. A broken collarbone, a broken arm with pins, head lacerations, a broken tooth, stitches, and multiple other false-alarm x-rays. Keep your insurance card handy. Remain calm. Try not to run out on the court to see if he’s okay.

4. The toilet seat is…gross. Just assign a bathroom to each one and make them be in charge of cleaning it. Remember, a new toilet seat costs $16.99 at Lowe’s. Change them once a year and it will be like an entire bathroom remodel. It will be life-changing!

5. Keep the plunger handy and be sure they know how to use it. Trust me on this.

6. Your teen will spend a ridiculous amount of time in the shower. And in the bathroom getting ready. And fixing his waaaaay too long hair. You’ll spend a small fortune on hair products and trying to keep up with the water softener salt.

7. Every once in a while, you will look over at your teenager and see the toddler version of him right there in the expression on his face. It will take your breath away.

8. Teen and tween boys are loud. Talking and laughing and bickering and teasing and “mom, look at this video” and racing each other up the stairs. At this point you’ve probably lost some of your hearing. Maybe consider investing in ear plugs or noise canceling ear buds to salvage the rest.

9. Teen and tween boys are obnoxious. They just…are. Remember when they thought the words poop and butt were HILARIOUS? Now they’re using words you can’t even begin to understand (plus, it changes every few days). Mid? Sus? Not that deep? Whaaaaat? They may even use a bit of profanity here and there. Try to remember…it’s just a word. Remind them there are some places where this behavior is not allowed like school and church and perhaps at a friend’s house or the grocery store. But at home try to lighten up. They are teenagers after all!

10. Laundry can be overwhelming! Simply throw everything in one load every morning and you may be able to keep your head above water. Remember, you absolutely do not need to fold any of it. Toss it in a basket and leave it on each kid’s closet floor. They can hang it and put it away or dig through it all week. Who cares?

11. It’s a good idea to buy all white towels. Then you can bleach those stinky towels in one load, and since all the bathrooms have the same towels, they are quick and easy to put away. Also, Costco has some ‘hospitality’ towels in a ten pack for like $26 bucks. Replace as needed!

12. Teen and tween boys eat A LOT. I cannot adequately describe the amount of food boys consume. On grocery days, half the food will be gone before it even hits the pantry shelves. You must rely on big box stores and buy in bulk! Cook real meals about three days a week. The other days aim for easy and cheap meals. Scrambled eggs or grilled cheeses or soup packets dumped in a crockpot also count as food. Once upon a time you had to encourage your boys to eat new things and try new flavors. Now they eat anything that comes their way! It doesn’t have to be complicated, these boys just need to eat.

13. Sometimes when you go through the check-out line at the store, the checker will ask if you’re having a party as he beeps across six boxes of cereal. Or if you’re donating to a men’s shelter as she bags twelve sticks of deodorant. Just smile and answer with pride, “Nope. I have teenagers!”

14. Thrifting is all the rage. Let him dress however he likes. Men’s loafers (with the tassels) paired with jeans and a hoodie? Sure. Size XXL women’s sweats from Wal-Mart? No problem. Celebrate his individuality! (And also celebrate that thrifting is relatively inexpensive).

15. Driving is terrifying. You’ll think it’s bad when you’re gripping your seat and trying not to grab the steering wheel while he’s learning to drive with a permit. But THEN. You’ll have to actually watch him drive away on his own! Set some boundaries. Know where he’s going and who he’s with. Talk about seatbelts and never, EVER driving under the influence. Remember to pray without ceasing.

16. The bickering and fighting and constant annoying each other will also really annoy YOU. Your own yelling back at them and losing your temper will surprise you. You will regularly say the wrong thing and overreact and feel like a gigantic mom failure. It’s okay. Model apology and ask for forgiveness.

17. Teen and tween boys require exercise, so make sure they keep moving! Get them a season pass to a rec center. Support their decision to try sparring at a boxing gym. Put up a new hoop out back. Challenge them to a trail race at the end of the summer and offer to pay them if they win. Sometimes they’ll want to sit like lumps in front of video games, but don’t let them stay for long! Moving is mandatory!

18. Join your boys in this mandatory movement. You will feel better too! Play them in HORSE or soccer tennis or let them teach you to throw a spiral football. They will laugh at your lack of coordination. And they will LOVE it! So will you.

19. Expect responsibility both around the house AND outside the house as soon as they are old enough to have a job. They can do more than you think. Cleaning and mowing grass and filling up your gas tank and picking up what you need from the store and working a few hours after school or on weekends. They may complain. But you are training your boys to eventually survive on their own and they need LOTS of practice.

20. Let their responsibilities be their responsibility. Grades. Homework projects. Work schedules. Disagreements with friends. The right gear for practice or out of town tournaments. It’s hard to watch them stumble, and natural consequences can be rough. But boys learn best from their failures.

21. Teen and tween boys need their sleep. They will stay up on their phones and make late-night snacks and tell you they aren’t tired. But don’t let them go until they fall over. Remind them about the importance of sleep. Model it yourself. And make sure EVERYONE sleeps without their phone by their side. They really will thank you one day.

22. They are just ordinary kids. You may be convinced of his genius in math or all-star sports ability on the court. But in reality, he’s likely just an ordinary kid. You’ll both rid yourselves of some anxiety if you stop expecting perfection in every single activity he pursues.

23. You really cannot have nice things. You can barely afford shoes, school laptops, and car insurance (not to mention trying to help with college). Just make your peace.

25. Learn to LOVE their interests—their music and the book he’s reading and obnoxious YouTube videos and the NBA play-offs. Listen to their stories (and try to keep your face neutral). Ask about their day (without offering advice). And be his biggest fan at whatever his passion may be (trust me, he will always look for your face in the stands).

26. Take very good care of yourself. Eat well. Get enough sleep. Prioritize time for exercise or reading or mom friends or your nightly bath or connecting with your husband. You’ll be a better mom if you aren’t worn so thin.

27. I’m just going to say this right here…you won’t like him sometimes. It’s true. There is ALWAYS love, but sometimes you’ll be afraid you don’t even like him. It will pass.

28. Talk to them about ALL the hard stuff. Even when they groan and avoid eye contact and say “Mooom. I know.” Talk about sex and alcohol and drugs and social media and porn. Be honest. They will hate it. But these conversations MATTER, and they ARE listening. Also, get to know their friends. Invite them over and feed them lots. Be the house that welcomes everyone! Then, when they all head out for the night, say that thing you always say to ALL of them. Smile when they reply, “Yes. We know. Make good choices.”

29. Teen and tween boys are hilarious and fun!!! The things they say and do will make you laugh until you cry every single day. What a blessing. End your day with a gratitude list so you never forget how lucky you are to have them.

30. Just lighten up! Who cares if he continues to choose shorts in the middle of January and almost NEVER wears a coat? If he’s cold, he’ll decide to wear one next time! Who cares about perfect grades or sports performance or picture-perfect holidays? There are adolescents and young adults just trying to live and grow and feel loved here! Let go and lighten up. He needs your mercy most of all. So, let your home be the place where everyone is free to be themselves. You'll all breathe a sigh of relief.

31. Each of your now older boys is uniquely made. You have absolutely no control over their personalities. What works for one may not work so well for another. Get to know each of your boys as an individual. Draw him out and help him remember how special he is.

32. It really does go so fast. I know. Your once roly-poly puppies are practically grown. And that’s okay. This is what’s supposed to happen. There is no more wonderful and amazing experience than watching the little person you met on his very first day grow into exactly the person he is meant to be. Try to slow down and look around and memorize exactly how your teenager is right now.

33. You simply CANNOT enjoy every moment. This is an impossible expectation. Just try to enjoy all you can.

34. Pray a lot. Pray all the time. Pray for patience and strength. Pray for kindness and self-control. Pray you can be the mom they need and deserve. Let them see you pray. Pray for each one of them. Pray together with them. You are not in this alone!

35. You will love him more than you ever thought possible. You didn’t even know this kind of love existed. There was a time before you became a mom, and now there’s an after. You will never be the same. Everyone told you…now you know what they meant. As your other boys were born you didn’t think it was possible to love another as much as you love the first or second or third or fourth. But you do. And you STILL do as they grow! There is enough love to go around because the love grows right alongside them. You love each one with every fiber of your being. You’d fight off a bear for them. It’s ridiculous. He is your life’s greatest gift. Your heart’s delight. That love never changes. It never goes away. You will always be his mom and he will always be your little boy. He is your life’s greatest JOY!

What a wild and wonderful adventure to be the mom of teen and tween boys.

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