This is My Why

About a year ago I started a blog called Ordinary on Purpose.

And in one year I’ve amassed around 200 followers (mostly my faithful aunts and cousins and a few college girlfriends who probably felt they had no choice!).

Turns out my blog is about as ordinary as me.

Just recently though I submitted a post that is going to be published!  And in a place with JUST A FEW MORE than 200 followers called Her View From Home.  All of the sudden I am included in this group with women I would dub ‘real writers’ who write the most beautiful words and have impressive followings.  Several of these talented women have even written and published a book (or books!).

So, of course upon learning this news I peed my pants and celebrated…for about 5 minutes.  Then this little piece of panic and dread set in.  How long would it be before they read something of mine and realized I don’t belong?  How long until they noticed my sad, sorry little following (of mostly relatives) and laughed me right off their page?  Also, what in the world will I ever write again????

But then for some reason last night I pulled out my journals.  The journals I started 13 years ago when I became a mom.  And I read all the little snippets of ordinary life and funny things my oldest said or did as a baby and all my feelings about being a mom as I added four more babies to the mix.

Page after page about love and gratitude.

I read so many stories I haven’t thought about in years and through my own written words those moments in time came to life and I could see and hear and smell and feel all of it.

And there, too, among those pages was my WHY.

I love to write.  I love to record our stories.  My story.  All the moments of ordinary life…the layer upon layer upon layer of me…the making of me.

It is my passion.  Writing.  It has been all along.

Not for the likes or views or follows or shares.

I write because it is how I BECOME me.

What struck me most about those notebooks filled with stories of my early mom life was that despite a dissolving marriage to a husband in drug rehab (twice) and surviving two babies while finishing my Family Practice residency that was absolutely Sucking Me Dry…I mostly wrote about love.  And joy.  And gratitude.  And faith.

And I realized from my own words that it is possible to be both broken and whole all at once.  To be devastated while being filled with joy.  To be lonely and also Never Alone all in the same breath.

I realized how all of it…the pain and sorrow and loss and rebuilding and completely letting go and trusting in Jesus…the every single day carrying on and handing it over and slogging forward is so completely beautiful.

And THAT is what I hope to share here.

I want to share stories that make me laugh.  Or cry.  Or (as we all learned in Steel Magnolias) laugh through my tears, which truly is the very best emotion!  I’ll share the words and thoughts and stories of others I admire and hopefully I’ll write a few words of my own as well.

If you join me here, my greatest hope is that you’ll leave feeling a little more YOU too.

I won’t be handing out advice (mostly because I have none to give) but I hope to give you permission.

Permission to release your grip on all the should dos and have tos and comparisons and ‘I’m not measuring up’s and encourage you to just be free to LIVE YOUR LIFE.  This one.  The life God has planned for you…however imperfect.  In this body with this spouse and these children in this house at this job with these parents and these circumstances.  This plain old, good hard, ordinary life…this beautiful life.

Won’t you join me in being Ordinary on Purpose?