This is 40 ... This is Joy

I took this picture last night.

I’m sure I could’ve photoshopped away a few of those lines around my eyes.

But, who would want to???

Do you know how many laughs it took to create them??? How many countless times I found delight in the endless gifts of this world and squinched up my eyes and laughed a great big belly laugh to leave all those lines behind??

Day after day, month after month, year after year…laugh lines appearing like rings around the trunk of a tree.

If you count them, I bet there’s 40.

And those sun-spots on my cheeks?? Well, those tell of hours playing on the soccer field as a child then years later pushing brand new babies in strollers on summer days or now cheering from my folding chair on the sidelines…moment after moment after moment of turning my face toward the sun.

Yes, my breasts hang a little lower (and more unevenly) than they once did. But I wouldn’t trade a perkier pair for one minute spent nursing my babies in the rocking chair or even a single one of those milk-filled smiles or sweet contented sighs.

My hips are wider now too.

My hair growing streaks of gray.

And my mom-tummy softer and fuller and traced with silvery lines that have faded now a few years after carrying beautiful new LIFE to this place.

So many lines and marks and imperfections.

All just a reminder of a life well lived, really.

Years of laughing and crying.

Of worry and sadness and struggle.

Of so very many grateful, happy smiles.

This beautiful life I’ve been blessed with is evident right here on my body.

Etched in lines right there across my face.

Forty years.

I took this photo last night at an outdoor concert with my family. We spread a blanket on the grass for a picnic with cheese and fruit and bread. Beautiful music played a soundtrack to my life as the sun went down and created a silhouette of the mountains in the distance.

The air grew chilly, and my husband sat right beside me.

Still after 18 years, his hand found mine and we kissed and exchanged smiles as our eyes memorized the sight of our daughter dancing in the grass.

I bounced my son on my lap to the beat of that mandolin playing on stage and he laughed and laughed. His mouth filled with sweet licorice.

And I couldn’t help thinking…

My God, I’m so HAPPY.

This is everything I’ve ever wanted.

Everything.

And more.

Right here in this ordinary little life. I never even knew.

On the drive home while kids slept in the backseat, I looked through the few pictures we took of our night together.

And I stopped on this one.

I noticed the lines. But even more…I noticed the HAPPY.

And I thought, “THIS is forty.”

This is HAPPY.

I wouldn’t change a single thing