Sep 2

Sep 2 No Matter How Big They Grow, Mom is Home

He used to think I hung the moon. And he was my whole world.

I knew how he liked to be rocked to sleep. I understood his cries. I kept track of feedings and diaper changes and every little milestone. I loved him SO MUCH I would stay up in my sleep deprived fog just so I could gaze at that beautiful sleeping face…my baby.

He wanted nothing more than to be hauled along on my hip or rocked to sleep against my chest. He loved playing with toys. He loved our silly games. He loved reading bedtime books on my lap. His eyes lit up whenever I walked into a room! He loved his Daddy, yes. Of course. But Momma???

I was his safe space. Mom was HOME.

And I’m not sure exactly when or how it happened. But he grew. He started school and lost teeth and made friends. He played soccer and basketball and baseball. He learned obnoxious sounds and how to play video games.

Somehow right in the middle of this ordinary life, my baby is a teenager. And now those friends he made along the way take center stage (well, maybe second to Fortnite!). He prefers his phone over toys. And our constant playing and laughing and silly games have turned to my nagging about screen time or chores and his eye-rolling because Mom is L.A.M.E.

I can’t remember the last time he sat on my lap or held my hand. I can’t remember the last time he asked me to tickle his back or his feet. I can’t remember the last time his eyes lit up when I entered a room.

Yesterday in the middle of my “gentle” reminding about chores he turned to me and said, “Mom, you are actually the worst.”

And my heart hurt for just the teeniest second.

I know he doesn’t honestly believe that’s true. I realize he doesn’t need another friend. He needs a mom. And the truth is moms ARE kind of lame—always assigning chores and reminding about homework and setting limits and enforcing boundaries and serving vegetables and imposing consequences and wanting to kiss him on the forehead before he heads off to school. How lame!

I suppose for a teenager I probably am “the worst.”