I Am His

The enemy knows just what to say to derail me.

To swipe my feet out from under me and land me right on my back.

To knock the wind out of my lungs and leave me gasping for air.

To make me want to run away…and quit.

He picks just the right time, too.

He usually waits until something wonderful has happened.

Maybe I’m feeling confident in my mothering for a day.

Or I’ve had a beautiful evening with my girlfriends.

Maybe my marriage is feeling good and solid and whole.

Or my writing has had some small success.

He waits until I’m smiling.

Then the enemy slithers in and whispers in my ear…

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE???

I’ll admit, sometimes those words absolutely floor me.

Because sometimes, I believe him.

I wonder.

Maybe he’s right??

Who am I??

Who am I to raise five children? I have absolutely no patience and lose my temper twenty times a day. I forget things. I make sarcastic remarks. Some days I’m tired and lonely and bored. I’m just not qualified.

Who am I to be married for 18 years? I can be such a terrible wife. I’m selfish and self-centered. I’m not contributing financially. My husband comes home to kids bickering and a messy house every single evening. And on so many nights, I’m just way too tired for sex. He’ll probably leave me.

Who am I to have beautiful friendships? If they knew the real me, there’s no way any of them would want anything to do with me. I’m too broken.

Who am I to say I’m a writer? No one would want to read a book of mine even if I did manage to write and publish it. And writing about my faith??? Hah!! I’m certainly no bible teacher.

He must be right…

Who am I???

I’m nobody.

But here’s the thing…

In my nearly 40 years I’ve learned a few ways to combat him.

And the enemy absolutely HATES when I push back!!

He hates when I bury my face in the Word.

He hates when I’m honest with my husband about my insecurities and turn to him for comfort.

He hates when I apologize to my children for my shortcomings. When I pray for them. When I stand back up from a misstep to try again and again…and love them unconditionally.

He hates when I call a friend for a laugh or to ask for help or support.

He hates when I just keep showing up and believe in myself.

He hates when I lean on Jesus and turn to Him every single day in prayer.

Because then, when the enemy leans over and whispers lies in my ear. When he tries to steal my joy…

I remember with confidence…my heart belongs to Jesus. And I shout in reply…Who am I???

I am His!