Are My Kids Ever Going To Get It???
Sometimes my mind gets twisted up with worry.
Are they ever going to get it??
Are they ever going to figure out how to do life??
I mean, look at how my teenager mows the lawn!
And my tween doesn’t seem to care much about school. He does his math in the CAR!
They hardly ever remember to put their laundry in the hamper.
They half-ass their chores.
And let’s not mention the toilet paper roll.
I’m pretty sure no one is using the facewash I conveniently left out on the bathroom counter.
And when was the last time anyone ate vegetables of their own free will?? I mean, what if they never learn to eat right??
WHAT IF THEY JUST NEVER GET IT????
It makes me want to step in.
It makes me want to take over.
It makes me want to yank whatever it is they’re doing out of their hands and do it FOR them. Show them how…again. Make sure they know how to make it perfect.
I mean, grades are IMPORTANT. Extracurriculars are IMPORTANT. Diet and exercise are IMPORTANT. Household tasks are IMPORTANT. Personal hygiene is IMPORTANT.
They NEED to learn this stuff!!!! Right???
But then in the middle of my anxiety this new worry creeps in.
If I step in and take over every single time one of my children struggles or messes up or does a half-ass job, what kind of message does that convey??
‘You can’t.’
‘You’ll never get it.’
‘It’s not okay to fail. It HAS to be perfect.’
‘We’re all just better off if I do it FOR you.’
‘YOU JUST CAN’T.’
And that breaks my heart.
Because that’s exactly the opposite of what I want my children to hear from me.
Their MOM.
More than anything I want them to grow up with a mom who supports them…even through the stumbles and failures they’re bound to make off and on for the rest of their lives.
I only want them to hear, ‘YOU CAN!!!’
‘I believe in you!’
‘You are smart and strong and capable, and I KNOW if you keep trying, you’ll get.’
‘You’ll figure this out.’
‘You’ll do LIFE!!!’
‘I’m so proud.’
‘And there is NOTHING…no failure, no struggle, no mistake, no choice…that will ever change my love.’
So, I bite my tongue.
I sit on my hands.
I let their homework be theirs. Their projects be theirs. Their grades earned be THEIRS.
I sit idly by as they struggle to push the mower back over those missed patches of grass or splash scrambled eggs on the stove cooking breakfast or wear dirty clothes to practice (because I can’t wash clothes that never reach the hamper).
Do I step in and help when they ask??
Yes.
Do I make sure my expectations for what they CAN do are age appropriate??
Of course.
Is it hard to watch them stumble??
Mmm hmmm.
Would it be easier sometimes if I just did it myself?
Heck yeah!
Is letting them try and fail and try again and succeed absolutely vital to their growing up??
YES. YES. YES.
And then when they earn the grade or make the team or score the goal or help BEFORE I even ask or show signs of becoming these incredible, wonderful, confident, amazing people…
Do I CHEER?? Does my heart burst with pride??? Do I want to shout to the world, “That’s my kid!!!”
Yep. You better believe it!!
It’s so hard not to step in and take over...
But they need to hear, ‘YOU CAN!!!!’
