In the beginning, I wanted to be a PERFECT mom.

And I’ll never forget the first time I lost my calm. And yelled.

My little boy stopped and looked up at me. Surprised.

I cried, of course.

What kind of mom yells at a preschooler???

I felt like such a failure.

And before I knew it, I was ALWAYS failing.

I forgot things. Or lost things. Or burned dinner. Or showed up late.

Again.

Then I had MORE children.

So, I failed more too.

I didn’t sign this. I missed the email about that.

I got the time wrong for soccer practice.

Again.

And the laundry?? Well, it never left the basket.

I’m 14 years in now. And I am still ALWAYS failing, it seems!!

Still forgetting things. Losing things. Late for things.

I get it wrong ALL THE TIME.

And even though I pray for patience every day…I lose my calm. A lot.

I never imagined I’d be a mom who yells sometimes. But I do. More than I care to admit.

Oh, and my kids have seen me cry.

They were in the car a few weeks ago when I got a speeding ticket. And they were along for my little fender bender, too.

My kids have heard an F-bomb…just a time or two.

Sometimes I roll my eyes. I’m sarcastic. I get annoyed.

I give my teenager snotty replies.

I sigh heavily and say “Yeeeesss…I’ll rock you,” when I just want my three-year-old to go to bed already.

Once I slammed angrily out the back door and a picture frame fell off the wall and smashed into pieces. Guess what it said in the frame???

‘Our Happy Home’

Yeah. I mess up. A LOT. It’s true.

Turns out I’m not perfect. Not even close.

But in the middle of all that failing, I am learning to see the GOOD, too.

Day after day of lunches packed with sandwiches and fruit.

Signed planners and filled water bottles and kisses on the tops of little heads before I send them off to school.

Board games at the table with my kindergartener or all of us snuggled up on the couch for a movie.

The special treat I picked up from the store because I KNEW it would make my tween smile.

Noisy dinners around the table together and my attempt at High/Low (even if they do give obnoxious replies!).

Birthday cakes and trips to the park and an interested face at every single, “Hey Mom!! Watch this!!”

My loud cheer when my freshman made the basketball team at school!!

And bedtime books and back tickles and whispered prayers every night before bed.

Yep. I fail. All the time.

But I do so many GOOD things, too.

Because every day I pray for them and do for them and cheer for them and show up for them.

I keep trying.

And I LOVE them with my whole heart!!

In the beginning, I wanted to be a perfect mom.

But it turns out I’m a GOOD mom who is HUMAN.

So instead of a PERFECT story, I hope one day my children will tell THIS story…

Our mom messed up a lot.

She lost her temper.

Sometimes she said a few choice words.

She forgot things. She missed things.

She was a mediocre cook.

And our house was often a mess.

But she was quick to apologize. She forgave easily too.

Every day she was proud to be our mom.

She showed up for us. And kept trying.

Our house was full of fun and laughter.

She wasn’t PERFECT…

But we never for a moment doubted her LOVE.