I Am Not in Control

I’ve been stressing.

Stressing about this virus. Will we be okay?? Will there be enough ventilators?? How many will lose their lives??

Stressing about food. Will we have enough?? Will the hungry and hurting be fed?? Will all the kiddos who depend on school for food…go hungry??

Stressing about homeschooling. Whhhhhyyyy are there so many things to log into?? Why are there so many passwords?? How do I hand in their work?? How in the world do I upload a worksheet to portfolio for crying out loud??

Stressing about how I will manage to keep FIVE kids (including four boys who regularly play sports to get out all their energy and aggression and innate need to be loud and wild and rough) from going crazy.

Stressing about filling in at work.

Stressing about my husband overworking at his job while everyone else is working from home because he is ALWAYS the go-to guy.

Stressing…and not sleeping.

Stressing…and eating all the brownies.

Stressing.

Stressing.

Stressing.

And then yesterday we had an earthquake.

5.7

And as I fell to my knees with all the frames crashing from their shelves and dishes falling in the cupboards and the chandelier swinging wildly in the kitchen…

I thought.

Okay.

Okaaaaaaay.

I’m not in control.

I raced up the stairs to get my family…

I quieted my crying children. Held my husband. Barked at everyone to find their glasses, come downstairs, and find shoes because there might be more.

And I remembered.

Again.

I AM NOT IN CONTROL.

This is life right now.

I am quarantined in my house.

A pandemic is affecting hundreds of thousands of people.

The ground is quaking beneath my feet.

And I can’t control ANY of it.

Yesterday was scary.

I felt panicky most of the day.

But today I’m feeling this strange bit of peace.

I AM NOT IN CONTROL.

Isn’t that awesome??

I don’t have to control a pandemic.

I don’t have to feed ALL the hungry.

I don’t have to teach my children perfectly or fill in EVERY position at work or prevent my family from feeling ANY discomfort…

I CANNOT stop the ground from shaking.

But God.

God is here.

He is in control.

He can do it ALL!!!

So, I will do my little part the best way I know how.

Then I will trust my perfect God with the rest.

I don’t have to stress.