He Says I'm Qualified

I’ve been calling myself a Christian writer lately and to be honest, it scares me a lot.

I don’t really feel qualified.

I’m working on a book, and now an editor from a real publishing house is taking a look at EVERYTHING I’ve written (not just the sample chapters).

I’m a little afraid he’ll come back to me and say…

“Ummmm. You can’t write that, you know. You can’t tell THAT story. You certainly can’t use that language. Not THAT word anyway. And…maybe your life is just too messy after all. Nevermind. We’re not interested.”

Plus, I get messages on the blog from time to time. Telling me I’m waaaaaaay off. Telling me what I’ve written isn’t ‘biblically based.’ I try to be kind and diplomatic and gracious in reply. But secretly I want to answer, “Yeah. I know. It’s so frustrating!! I wish I had a theology degree. I guess I’m still learning. I like to write about God…but honestly, I wonder if I’ll ever get any of it figured out.”

The thing is…

Once upon a time my life fell apart. And in complete desperation, I surrendered. Not long after that, God reached down and pulled me up from my slimy pit. He settled my feet on a completely different path with a completely different trajectory in what felt like a completely different life. And the whole thing felt like a very long, slow answer to a very sad, desperate prayer.

He rescued me. ME.

And I almost can’t shut up about it.

The other thing is…

When I was down there in that slimy pit, I squinted really hard through the darkness all around me and saw a whole bunch of other people down there too. Frightened. And broken. And afraid. And alone.

Now it feels like if I keep talking about it and writing about it and telling my truth and listening well and holding people’s hands. If I keep reaching my arm back down to those scared people in the pit, maybe they’ll call out, too. Maybe they’ll find their way. Through Him.

And I know.

I’m not qualified. Not in the slightest. Actually, every single day this hateful voice whispers in my ear, “Who do you think you are?” And I’m so…unsure.

Every day I wonder if I’ll ever feel like I’m stepping onto solid ground. I wonder if I’ll ever stop doubting. Ever stop sinking out here on the water. I wonder if I’ll ever be sure?? Of me???

But I keep going because there is ONE thing I’m completely sure of…

I’m sure He’ll catch me. He’ll hold me up. He’ll smile and nod and whisper, “Sweetheart…why do you doubt?” He’ll rescue me. Over and over again.

So, I’ll just keep walking. Keep showing up. Keep writing. Keep taking the next step. Keep sinking.

Keep letting Him catch me.

I’ll keep going because He says…I’m qualified.