To My Friend Sharing Life With an Active Addict,

Living with an active addict is a lot like riding in the passenger seat of life about five seconds away from careening out of control.

It’s TERRIFYING. I know.

You so desperately want to grab the wheel!!

Every day feels like driving along a narrow, winding road with your precious family in the backseat and your addict behind the wheel with his head stuck in a thick fog, unable to see a single thing.

I know you’re terrified he is one swerve away from a devastating crash.

And you’ve got a roadmap! You can clearly see the next obstacle up ahead on this collision course! Clearly see the path you need to take in this life!

But your addict just won’t listen.

He absolutely refuses to pull over. Or look at the map. Or slow down enough to get his bearings…

And I know it's hard, but you simply CANNOT steer!!!

Because if you grab the wheel and try to turn right while he is veering to the left, chances are you’ll crash directly into the median or go flying off the road into a deep ravine. Then none of you will make it out of the rubble alive!

The truth is, you don’t really know where you’re both heading. You can try. You can pretend. But there’s only One who knows the final destination.

So, you have to let go.

Fold up the map and stuff it into the glove compartment. Unclench your fists and sit on your hands if you need to. Just keep them far away from the wheel!

I know it sounds hard. Impossible?? Maybe. It will likely be the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do.

You just CAN’T steer!!

But...

You aren’t helpless here.

There are some things you CAN do.

You can buckle up for safety and take of YOURSELF. Feed yourself well. Exercise. Go to Al-anon meetings. Phone a friend. Get enough sleep. Immerse yourself in God’s word.

You can flip on the radio and turn up your favorite song.

You can gently point out the exits to your addict along the way (even if he doesn’t listen) then fix your eyes out the window and attempt take in the beautiful view. Life is breathtaking, really. We just need to look up and look around. Do you see it?? Beauty loves to hide in the middle of our pain.

And, most importantly, you can realize once and for all…you have a choice.

YOU HAVE A CHOICE!!!

You don’t have to get back in the passenger seat. You don’t have to ride along beside him.

I know it sounds terrifying.

I KNOW.

During my husband’s second stop in rehab, I made the gut-wrenching decision I wouldn’t be joining him on our collision course any longer.

I stepped out. Alone.

And YOU don’t have to ride along, either.

It will be nice to get out and stretch.

It will be good for your legs to walk on their own for a while.

Even if doing life alone seems like a hard road. Even if it takes a little longer to get wherever you’re heading.

Take the exit.

And once you step out of the passenger seat of life with your addict behind the wheel, you’ll no longer feel so afraid.

I promise.

Just tell him, “I love you. And I want more than anything for you to find your OWN way.”

Then pray. Never stop praying!!

Pray every single moment…

Jesus take the wheel