Of all the Parenting Hacks you’ll ever hear, this one is the most important.

‘LISTEN AND REPEAT.’

I didn’t make it up. I read it somewhere years ago and have heard it a million times since.

Here’s what it means.

When your teenager hops in the car spitting mad over something at school with friends or a coach or a teacher…

You simply listen.

And repeat.

You don’t offer advice. Or disagree. Or attempt to calm him down.

You don’t give solutions or fix the problem in any way.

You sit silently.

Then arrange your face in the most pleasant way possible.

And repeat back what you are hearing.

Acceptable responses include:

‘Mmmm.’

‘Oh really?’

‘He said ______?’

‘I can’t believe ______ happened.’

‘Ugh. That sucks, honey.’

‘It sounds like you’re pretty mad about it. I probably would be too.’

It might feel like you are pretending.

You probably ARE pretending.

Because your brain will be firing away at solutions and responses and next steps.

But you must only listen.

Nod.

And repeat.

DO NOT ENGAGE.

Do not say the words running through your brain.

Things like:

‘No. That can’t be right.’

‘But you know that’s not true!’

‘Don’t be so upset.’

‘You’re overreacting.’

‘You’re being ridiculous.’

‘What did you expect?’

‘You can’t…’

‘You should…’

Or ‘What you need to do is…’

All of these responses are the kiss of death.

Even if you are trying to make him feel better, any of these responses will feel like a challenge to your teen.

He will immediately get defensive. And shut down.

And I know.

I KNOW.

Your ideas are good!!!

You’ve been there. You’ve done these hard years before, and as a grown adult standing outside the problem looking in, you can be objective.

You want to help!

You hate seeing him upset!!

But what he really needs right now is to feel seen and heard and understood.

So…

Listen.

And repeat.

EVEN if he tries to provoke you. Or blame you.

Remember, he’s angry. He’s been holding it in all day with friends and coaches and teachers.

You are an easy target because he knows you will love him anyway.

But when he says, “Yeah. And YOU GUYS are just gonna make me go here next year too!!”

Just keep your face neutral as you say, ‘Mmmm. We’ll have to see.’

Listen and repeat.

It will be hard.

SO HARD.

And 8 out of 10 times you’ll forget and say exactly the wrong thing.

But when you do remember this hack…I promise it will be worth it.

Just listen.

Paste on the world’s most pleasant face possible.

And repeat his own words back to him.

Then on your way home, circle through the McDonald’s drive thru and grab him a Big Mac and a Dr. Pepper.

You’ll both be chuckling over ridiculous (slightly inappropriate) memes by the time you pull into the driveway.

I promise.

Best Parenting Hack ever!!

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